Favorite phrases you use

If brains were dynamite he'd wouldn't have enough to blow the wax out of his ears ........

I think his son is going to be an astronaut, he's just taking up space.

On how tight to torque
"Pull till you puke, and another 1/4 turn"

On intelligence
"Few logs short of a full load" (logging term)

on swinging a hammer
"Hit it like you mean it, don't tickle it"
I find now a days, most kids can't swing a hammer to say their soul.

On truck drivers and operators
"The only level he checked this morning was the coffee in his thermos"

I was filling "the tank" the other day & in pulls this "hooptie" 2 lanes over..
Radio BLASTIN.. Nigg** this, MF'r that.. naturally he has to go IN & pay.. no cr.crd.. all the while the radio's blastin..
He comes out, pumps about 4.00 in this POS & sits there.. WTF??
On the other side of him, "a good ol boy" pulls in filling up his boat..
I look to see what the idiot is doing.. he smoking "a bowl".. in front of God & everybody.!!! sitting at the gas pumps.!!!
I make eye contact w/ the good ol boy.. & YELL>>
AND THEY WONDER WHY WE HATE'M..
We both laughed so hard I thought I was gonna bust..

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if it wasn't fer yer assh ole, yer belly would bust... Just somethin my grandmother usedta say...

Do you know how fast you were going? [in a truck]

"85 and I run out of numbers"

Birken Vogt said:

Do you know how fast you were going? [in a truck]

"85 and I run out of numbers"

Click to expand...

No, I don't know how fast I was going, but obviously you saw a need to talk to me about it.

(No I didn't get a ticket, just a verbal warning to be more observant on my way to work. He was laughing as he said it.)

Looks good at 55 from the highway

Cose enough for government work

Thats a prime example of how not to do it right.

In reference to a well drilling years back, he's so lousy he couldn't find water if he fell out of a boat in the middle of the ocean, in relating to how often he actually found water and the well being good.

In reference to someone who's just about to figure out the problem.........he's about to have a Hellen Keller moment.

I called years back to ask about someone's previous employee I was thinking about hiring, when I asked the owner why he let him go I was told. The toughest decision he could make every day was whether to put regular or light beer on his cereal for breakfast. I've since used that statement many times over the years.

He has one speed, too bad its reverse.

He's perpetually stuck in neutral.

That [machine of choice] couldn't pull a horny 90 year old off a wet whore.

He has the world by the tail with a downhill shove.

And to think, the engineer got paid and someone built it.

If you don't have time to do it right the first time, at least the bolts will come out easier the second time.

According to the book rate, it takes half as long to do the job the second time around.

I had a salesman tell me once, "we cheat everyone equally"

Come on in, everything else has gone wrong today.

If we return the part, refund your money and shoot the manager, will that be sufficient.

Only a farmer and contractor would bitch about a wet hole.

Years ago, when stuck with an excavator, I got the call to bring something to help pull them out, when I asked how stuck they were and how wet it was, I was told "when the operator gets out of the cab and swims to the surface I'll can ask him and let you know" So since, I always ask, "is it a walk out or swim out kind of stuck"

You do great work, but not much of it.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance baffle them with BS.

Accidents do cause people

If you don't believe in life after death, be here at 5pm every day.

We're not paid for what we know, we're paid for what we get done.

In reference to government approved work, it was designed by the government, laid out by them, built to their specs, and approved by them........then failed, any questions?

If its not working correctly, dumb it down till it does.

If there was a lot of money in it, no work involved, and nobody expected any results, then all the politicians would want your job

You get what you pay for

Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone

Drive it like you stole it

The problem is simple, its not working and it should, figure it out.

If all else fails, read the instructions

Buy them books and send them to school, and what did they learn

Insanity is repeating the same thing many times but expecting a different outcome

The third time might be the charm, but don't expect to be paid for the last two

When I'm right nobody remembers, when I'm wrong, nobody forgets

I was once told, help like you is a dime a dozen, so at the end of the day I handed the boss a dollar bill, he asked what it was for, I told him to hire 120 people to take my place, I quit.

Take your time, we have all day

Don't rush, your replacement isn't here yet.

Its hard to believe your mother didn't smother you in your sleep

We keep him around to make the others look better

Nobody is so bad they can't be used as a bad example

If I had good equipment, the first person I'd have to fire is the mechanic, so tell me again what I need to buy so you don't have to work so hard??

If you don't like my equipment you have to run, we can solve that problem, but your probably not going to like my solution

1. I will accept perfection until I can improve on it.

Perfect is ALMOST good enough .

If you don't have time to do it right the first time, at least the bolts will come out easier the second time.

For some reason this brought to mind a certain D6 with a 3306 up in Minn! And if you don't know what I'm referring to consider your self lucky!

Perfection is the enemy of good enough.

When good enough works why ruin it with perfection.

No job is perfect if it isn't cost-effective.

you just gotta **** with the c**k you got

Said when somebody is whanging on an especially noisy or rattly piece of sheet metal or really heavy hammer blows. Especially when done near an office or someplace normally quiet:

"What are you doing in there, fixing your watch?"

That guy is the perfect example of someone using a pillow case as a contraceptive.

Truck Shop

How is that my problem?

Lack of planning on your part does not create an emergency on my part.