I have read this a couple times and I am not yet able to wrap my head around what is trying to be accomplished.
Amen to that!
I think my situation is probably too much to peck out on the net.
Then you are vastly overthinking your situation, you've already said the $$$ doesn't matter.
In a nut shell, I was key on the biggest bridge in the biggest city in our state, and I have also manufactured aerospace parts for the biggest commercial jet in the sky
There were multiple bidders on the bridge, and there were multiple bidders on the parts. The bridge would have gotten built without you, and so would have the parts. Maybe not as cheap, maybe not as well, but they build bridges in third world countries with sticks and shovels. No ones situation is as "unique" or unicorn as they think it is.
You want to be able to unload 27,000lbs at your shop. E
veryone that does such things regularly, has a big forklift or a crane. Cranes/ forklifts pick things up, excavators dig holes in the ground. Lattice boom truck and crawlers go cheap if they have some age on them. Excavators stink for heavy unloading. When you have the arm up close where your best chart is, you're out of height. When you put the arm out, your out of capacity because its away from the machine. You can dig with a crane, with a clam or dragline, but its far from ideal. Right tool for the right job. Some part of that must just not make sense to you because you're special?
As all the dirt guys have pointed out, no one uses a 27 ton excavator for culverts or a septic tank. They are too big for casual use. The reason all those machines are "worn out", is not because everyone's a bunch of liars, its that the machines actually get used. Its a fixed cost, the owner needs return on investment, so the machines get used.
You don't seem to want to listen to the guys that dig for a living in your own area, or the ones on the internet. So here's your "real" answer:
You need a 27 ton excavator, that has 100hours on it and has only dug silt from a old creek bed. You will buy this machine for less than scrap price- they may pay you to take it - because they are tired of owning a perfect machine. You should charge $350 / hr. $2000 in and $2,000 out. You will dig no rocks, remove no trees or do anything else that may "abuse" the machine. All utilities, old foundations, and buried junk piles will be adequately marked and removed by someone else. You won't carry any insurance, and will be responsible for nothing. Fortunately you gave nothing for the excavator, so all income will be direct profit. Customers will provide fuel and oil changes on site, as well as fix and pay for all repairs onsite- it wouldn't have broken if you weren't doing their work. Your life will now be all sunshine and roses.