Favorite phrases you use

There is nothing common about common sense
There is no end to what a fool can do
About as useful as a mans t*t . Of ornamental value only

Volvomad said:

There is nothing common about common sense
There is no end to what a fool can do
About as useful as a mans t*t . Of ornamental value only

Click to expand...

Like t*ts on a bull...

Ya . Bulls t*ts never did much .
one more
His mouth was the only thing that ever worked hard .
I only started reading this thread yesterday . I nearly pissed my self many many times

here's a couple- tighter than a mosquito's ass stretched over a rain barrel also,- there is no mechanical problem so difficult that it can not be overcome with brute force and ignorance

"He's only got two working parts, his mouth and his a$$hole - and they're both interchangeable" ........

You plant corn you gro corn.
Usually said about dumb or trashy people with the same for parents.

Locked up tighter'n a bulls ass at fly time! Tighter than Dick's hatband, Dumber than a box of rocks, could not find his ass with both hands, beat with a 'Ugly' Stick, dumb enough to answer his own questions, a few that came to mind today.

Don't ask why!! Was at a Ford Dealer shop.

Every day is his first day.

I can teach you anything you want to learn.

The wiser you are, the less you know.

My every day reminder: wisdom is made up of strength and humility.

Work harder, not smarter.

For us californians: No se, me tonto.

Locked in an empty container with two cannonballs....you'd loose one n break the other!

So..you are an "expert"! Definition of an expert is "X" is the unknown, "spert" is a drip under pressure. So you are an unknown drip under pressure!

If your brain was leather wouldn't be enough to saddle an ant.
If your brain was put into a thimble it would bounce around like a B B in a box car.

If brains were gasoline ... he wouldn't have enough to power a ****-ant's mini-bike halfway around a B-B ..

.

It was like rolling a hotdog down a hallway.

I used to work with a guy who would offer the advice "Don't pet a burning dog." Which, I will confess, seemed hard to dispute. Once we were together in a plumbing shop, and one of us made that comment. The staff member there looked at us with shock, and asked where we had heard that. According to him, that was a mis-speaking of some advice from a steel mill, where the correct phrase was "Never climb down a burning dog" and "never ride on a melting pig", in reference to equipment/vessels in a mill.

Dad had a few gems that have appeared here already. One of his favorites was (usually) in reference to cattle ranchers that were poor with machinery "If you gave that guy an anvil to operate, he'd break it..."

In reference to engineers/designers - "If its not broken, it doesn't have enough features..."

You can fix everything with WD40 and duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40.

The torque spec: Tighten it until it breaks, then back it off a half-turn. Or, perhaps more helpful, stop twisting a half-turn before it breaks.

The best manager I ever had was fond of saying "Are ya kiddin' me?"

On project work, I have started using a couple.... 1) the only way a project ever gets done on time is if task #1 is building a time machine, and it gets completed successfully...., or 2) there's no problem that we can't fix with money. Or 3) It could be worse - we could have to do this for a living....

But probably the one that makes me smile most is a highly respected colleague who used to describe a good situation by saying "You're sh&tting in high cotton now..."

Or the tee shirt that says "Common sense is so rare now that it must be considered a super-power."

Thanks for the posts, everyone. This was a great chuckle.
danr

Oh, one more - a former boss managing a crew running equipment on durability tests used to say "For this next job, step one is to put your brain in your lunch box."

"I usta be a people person.. but people ruined it.."

Scum, like cream, rises to the top.
If you gotta run junk, you gotta have a lot of it.
If it ain't broke, it ain't mine.

"If he got any dumber he'd stop breathing"
"Couldn't find his ass with both hands and a flashlight"
"if you worked as much as you talked, you'd be unstoppable"

"If brains were dynamite he wouldn't have enough to blow the wax out of his ears."

"Run that by me one more time ....... Why should YOUR lack of forward planning constitute MY emergency...?"

I don't have but 2 speeds and if you don't like this one i know you wont like the other

terex herder said:

Scum, like cream, rises to the top.

Click to expand...

Or, in other words, sh1t floats......

The above was once said to me by a man I have a lot of respect for. His question to me that generated the answer above was “Do you want to know how Management works..?”